My sexual orientation

[zestfive]

I consider myself a lesbian identified bisexual or I also label myself queer for short and sometimes just lesbian. And what this means to me is that I'm more attracted to women than men but if I met an amazing man (and I was single), I wouldn't exclude that possiblity. Right now I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, I would like it to last a lifetime but I don't know if it will. :-(

At one point in my life, I was open to nonmonogamy for myself but that has changed. I think I was more open to it because I hadn't come out to myself as attracted to women and I was very dissatisfied with my marriage to a man. For me, polyamory is too difficult for what I'm really looking for in my life. It certainly may work for other people, but not something I want.

I want that monogamous committed relationship where we plan our life together.

Bisexuality means someone has the potential to be in a relationship with either gender. It doesn't mean you want to have sex with both genders. ala "have your cake and eat it too" I think lots of people have biphobia where they think they can't trust someone who identifes as bi because they are "fence sitters", "can't make up their mind" or "may change their mind at any time".

To me, Sex/making love is more about the physical manifestation of your love with that person. Gender is not something that is a huge deal for me, I'm more attracted to the female physical form and the characteristics/attributes that are most attractive to me are most often found in women.

What do you consider yourself? Do you think I mislead people when I use my short cut identity of lesbian or bi?

Comments

[fifteenthirty.livejournal.com]

I wish I knew.. more and more lately I'm wondering what I am, so I'm pretty much avoiding labels these days. I think I'm pretty similar to the way you describe yourself, and I agree with your definition of bisexual. Too many people see it as a free for all, IMO.

This said? I find myself terrified of my family's reaction if I were to end up with a guy. I finally have them trained! I don't fancy having to come out again. LOL

I'm actually having a pretty hard time about it and will start working on it in therapy soon... it almost feels like by even thinking about it, I'm being disloyal to the community that literally saved my life over the last ten years.

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're being disloyal. You will always be an ally regardless of who you fall in love with/choose to sleep with. I think people feel a lot of pressure to be other than who they are.

What would you be or would you want to be if no one else's opinion or thoughts were an issue?

[fifteenthirty.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't know. I have never dated a guy at all, so there is a big fascination there lately. I guess I'm straight-curious! LOL

I'm figuring out that a lot of it is tied to my self-image and self-esteem issues, so hopefully I can work on that in therapy. I wish I'd found this counselor years ago, because she's awesome, but I'm kind of overwhelmed by the sheer number of issues I should have been dealing with years ago.

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

LOL I love it! Straight-curious!

I'm glad you've got the opportunity to take a look at things in your life. Do you think you would have been ready to do that if you had found her years ago?

[supremegoddess1.livejournal.com]

i prefer byke

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I like that...'cause dyke is a label I'm okay with too. I see dyke as being any strong woman regardless of her sexual preference.

byke...then all the biphobes will think I'm just saying dyke! Grin

[grltalk.livejournal.com]

I'm gay, queer, lesbian, a big fat dyke. :) Any of those work. I have no doubt that I will never, ever, in the rest of my lifetime, be attracted to or partnered with a man. There isn't a drop of bisexual in my body. This is very hard for most people to believe since I was married to a man for 15 years, but it's true.

I will also admit that I used to be one who thought that all bisexual women just weren't ready to admit that they were lesbian. Now, having known several bisexuals, I understand that it's possible to be attracted to both genders. To me, the differences in men and women are so huge (physically and all other areas), so I don't get it--but I respect those who do.

I think any label is fine, as long as you're honest about it with yourself and others. :)

[exceptnot.livejournal.com]

i think of me as a lesbian with bi tendencies... cuz i like women, but i think guys are attractive and i'd date one if i met one i clicked with... but generally i like women. :D

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

I can really understand the weariness some lesbians have to being in a relationship with someone who is "bi".

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

tell me more about that...

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

gladly. anything not to have to fix my stupid action script.
I think some are afraid that "bi" not only means orientation to both sexes, but that one sex is preferred while another can be no more than a diversion.
There are always people that can not commit, and there will be perfectly lovely people that will be burned. I think when your a lesbian in a smaller community, its just not so easy to recover. So I think "bi" for some has become a red flag and a source of risk.

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

I take this is coming from the perspective of women for whom women is a diversion and that men are preferred? Are you also saying that some bi people are really just those who can't commit?

I appreciate your perspective.

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

nuh uh thats not me. I think I am more about the person than about the gender.
I know someone that would never date a bi person though, and was more than happy to tell me why.

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know that there are some people with really strong reactions. I just want to understand their perspective. It seems that it's really fear based, along the lines of "what if..."