WARNING -- VENT AHEAD
Apr. 29th, 2005 07:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zestfiveSo I'm just steaming !
My stupid ex husband is such a jerk! I'm so glad that I divorced him. The situation is, about 4 years ago he asked to borrow some money because he needed it to file bankruptcy. At this same time, he was also hit by an uninsured motorist, I lent him the money because he no longer had a vehicle and if he couldn't get to work, I wouldn't get child support. He eventually did get bankruptcy done and I told him that I wanted $5 per month on the money if he didn't pay me. He originally agreed that he'd pay me $200 pretty quickly and then like $50 per month after that. Well, in the entire time he's paid me a total of aprox $80. I've kept track of it on my computer. He is now saying that he's considering me paid in full. His story is that last year's childcare payments were an overpayment and therefore he's taking that into account, plus the $80's he's paid and plus the "work" he did for me.
First off, the over payment of the childcare, he states that because A was 12, the county shouldn't have take the childcare from him(it's only $53 a month and the county will collect childcare fees up until a child turns 13) and therefore he's considering that paid. I received $636 from him for childcare last year. A was also IN childcare at a cost of $500 for the year. I was okay that he didn't get the child care stopped previously because I figured it all evened out when I compare the childcare costs of 2003 childcare which was $2621 and all I got from him was $636.
He did give me $70 and the remaining $10 was money from an overpayment from a medical bill that I gave him credit for.
The "work" he reports that he did for me was probably like 3 years ago, and what I remember is that he was laid off and came to my house, A, him and I raked for a couple of hours and then we went to a movie and had dinner. This I recall was a "family" time and money or repayment towards his debt was never discussed.
What especially drives me crazy is that he's taking the stance that he's decided this and that's the end of the story, no negotiating no compromising. If it was me, I'd consider doing something to resolve the situation to mutual satisfaction...maybe something that didn't cost anything...like more "work" or whatever.
I feel like taking him to small claims court(here in MN it's called conciliation court) and I *do* have the paper where he agreed to pay me the interest. I think I have a very good claim, his issues such as the childcare overpayment are not relevant to the situation, he certainly could counterclaim for the childcare but at most, he would be a deduction of a couple of hundred.
He's also complaining about the interest that he agreed to pay me when I first lent him the money...well, my response is that he didn't have to agree to it. But no one else would lend him the money...
I'm not going to be so willing to help him out again...and I helped him out as recently as less than a year ago when he got suspended from work for calling in sick too much.
Now, that I'm letting some of this out, I really do have to think of if I really want to do this. Part of me says YES, the a-hole...the other part of me says I should just let it go, overall, I've been very lucky, he's continued to pay child support(thank you state of MN) and work consistently...I've heard stories from other women who have it far worse. But I do get tired of him doing the minimum or less when in comes to anything that has impacted me. I think this triggers some issues in me when I've accepted so much less than I should have when I was with him, I now deserve way more and still I'm angry that I've set up this pattern of interacting with him. I also have a sense of HUGE personal responsiblity and I'm going to MAKE him be responsible!!! (yeah, I know that is a complete and total fantasy)
I'm not especially materialistic but to me, money is security and freedom of choices, right now until I have a fulltime perm job, I'm a little weird about money. I feel like I should let it go for the sake of better interactions for A with his parents(me and his Dad) but why should I be the one to accommodate ALL the time? I'm so tired of being the accommodating one!!!
***Edit
After a little time to think about it, I also am angry at how this experience affect me. I don't want to become angry, bitter and not trusting. I want to be able to maintain my positive feelings about people in general, want to be able to help...not become pissed off. Of course intellectually, I know that what this means, is not to help out my ex anymore...but I like to be accommodating to people in general. I guess I'm just wishing someone would accommodate me...but then I really don't want them to do it...because I wouldn't trust them..what's their agenda?
Good lord, I need to stop thinking about this and finish getting ready.
So, AMAZING and wonderful people of LJ, what do you think I should do?
Now, I've got to go get ready for my meeting for a temp job...I think it's almost a done deal, but let's see how it goes.
My stupid ex husband is such a jerk! I'm so glad that I divorced him. The situation is, about 4 years ago he asked to borrow some money because he needed it to file bankruptcy. At this same time, he was also hit by an uninsured motorist, I lent him the money because he no longer had a vehicle and if he couldn't get to work, I wouldn't get child support. He eventually did get bankruptcy done and I told him that I wanted $5 per month on the money if he didn't pay me. He originally agreed that he'd pay me $200 pretty quickly and then like $50 per month after that. Well, in the entire time he's paid me a total of aprox $80. I've kept track of it on my computer. He is now saying that he's considering me paid in full. His story is that last year's childcare payments were an overpayment and therefore he's taking that into account, plus the $80's he's paid and plus the "work" he did for me.
First off, the over payment of the childcare, he states that because A was 12, the county shouldn't have take the childcare from him(it's only $53 a month and the county will collect childcare fees up until a child turns 13) and therefore he's considering that paid. I received $636 from him for childcare last year. A was also IN childcare at a cost of $500 for the year. I was okay that he didn't get the child care stopped previously because I figured it all evened out when I compare the childcare costs of 2003 childcare which was $2621 and all I got from him was $636.
He did give me $70 and the remaining $10 was money from an overpayment from a medical bill that I gave him credit for.
The "work" he reports that he did for me was probably like 3 years ago, and what I remember is that he was laid off and came to my house, A, him and I raked for a couple of hours and then we went to a movie and had dinner. This I recall was a "family" time and money or repayment towards his debt was never discussed.
What especially drives me crazy is that he's taking the stance that he's decided this and that's the end of the story, no negotiating no compromising. If it was me, I'd consider doing something to resolve the situation to mutual satisfaction...maybe something that didn't cost anything...like more "work" or whatever.
I feel like taking him to small claims court(here in MN it's called conciliation court) and I *do* have the paper where he agreed to pay me the interest. I think I have a very good claim, his issues such as the childcare overpayment are not relevant to the situation, he certainly could counterclaim for the childcare but at most, he would be a deduction of a couple of hundred.
He's also complaining about the interest that he agreed to pay me when I first lent him the money...well, my response is that he didn't have to agree to it. But no one else would lend him the money...
I'm not going to be so willing to help him out again...and I helped him out as recently as less than a year ago when he got suspended from work for calling in sick too much.
Now, that I'm letting some of this out, I really do have to think of if I really want to do this. Part of me says YES, the a-hole...the other part of me says I should just let it go, overall, I've been very lucky, he's continued to pay child support(thank you state of MN) and work consistently...I've heard stories from other women who have it far worse. But I do get tired of him doing the minimum or less when in comes to anything that has impacted me. I think this triggers some issues in me when I've accepted so much less than I should have when I was with him, I now deserve way more and still I'm angry that I've set up this pattern of interacting with him. I also have a sense of HUGE personal responsiblity and I'm going to MAKE him be responsible!!! (yeah, I know that is a complete and total fantasy)
I'm not especially materialistic but to me, money is security and freedom of choices, right now until I have a fulltime perm job, I'm a little weird about money. I feel like I should let it go for the sake of better interactions for A with his parents(me and his Dad) but why should I be the one to accommodate ALL the time? I'm so tired of being the accommodating one!!!
***Edit
After a little time to think about it, I also am angry at how this experience affect me. I don't want to become angry, bitter and not trusting. I want to be able to maintain my positive feelings about people in general, want to be able to help...not become pissed off. Of course intellectually, I know that what this means, is not to help out my ex anymore...but I like to be accommodating to people in general. I guess I'm just wishing someone would accommodate me...but then I really don't want them to do it...because I wouldn't trust them..what's their agenda?
Good lord, I need to stop thinking about this and finish getting ready.
So, AMAZING and wonderful people of LJ, what do you think I should do?
Now, I've got to go get ready for my meeting for a temp job...I think it's almost a done deal, but let's see how it goes.
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-01 01:04 pm (UTC)