(no subject)

[zestfive]

Last night AF had a band concert at school. He's quit practicing in front of me. I don't actually know if he does it or not anymore. I don't seem to see him move his trumpet from where he puts it when he comes home from school. He did very well as far as I could tell...it was fun to see the other kids that he knew while he attending cub scouts.

As I had just that morning had tea with MJ a friend of mine (who is also the mother of a young man about 4 years older than AF) we talked about how difficult AF's current school is...she believed the teachers, admin and etc believe it's a really difficult age and all the kids misbehave but get to High School and they expect then to act better...magically, they do!

So since the whole school thing was on my mind, I talked to AF about his experiences...sometimes I feel like he's so similiar to me with his life experiences but I worry that I'm projecting too much. He talked about the different clique's and how he feels like he's mostly identified as a nerd. I try to reassure him that despite how much this sucks, it's only temporary and speak about how life is different once you're older. I try to talk about how most of the "poplular" kids end up peaking when they are in high school or etc...everything else is down hill for them. He spoke of feeling really different that there's no one else like him...I can understand that..he's being raised by a single gay woman and has primarily been in the adult world versus the kid world(sorry, AF). We live in a largely republican area where intact families are more predominant. Even if I wasn't gay...our family is in the minority in this area.

He also brought up when he decided to not join the Boy Scouts, some kid said something like "I heard you mom is gay" to which he reports replying "yeah, so what? that doesn't matter". This kinda floors me...who gave him so much courage? This also raises the question, do I use my excuse of wanting to "protect" or provide privacy for AF as a huge closet? I don't know the answer for sure. All I can say is "wow", my kid is amazing!

Comments

[grltalk.livejournal.com]

My older one (he'll be 20 in March) has known since he was around 12 or 13. He was digusted by it then, and feels no differently now. He loves me to death though. I guess I get a "pass" from him because I'm his mom, because we never talk about it, and because it never interferes with his life. I think his father probably makes comments about it to him, but I don't hear about them.

My younger son (15 in June) doesn't know about me. After the way my older one took it, I just never could come around to telling the younger one. He's made his personal opinion on the subject very clear--"That's sick, Mom."

I didn't raise them to have this prejudice (or any, for that matter). It's been very disappointing.

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

Oh, ouch, that's really painful. My guess would be that it's based on the age of finding out. My son was like 7 or so and I just explained it by saying "Some girls like boys and some girls like girls...some boys like girls and some boys like boys"

Have your boys met any of the women you've dated? Does that become an issue with your relationships?

[grltalk.livejournal.com]

Have your boys met any of the women you've dated?

This may have been why the big revelation didn't go so well with my older son. When he found out, I was just about to end a relationship with someone he had known since he was born. Right after that ended, I dated a bit, but didn't bring anybody home. Then, I started dating the woman I'm with now. My kids met her and she spent a little time with all of us way back when. My older son *wanted* to like her, but couldn't get past the fact that we were more than friends. He started to act out in ways that were so NOT like him. That's when I decided to completely segregate my personal and parenting lives.

I know that not coming out to my younger son is really a lie of omission. He's the kind of kid that makes it pretty easy. He never asks any questions.

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

That's kinda of hard when you're dating and your kids get attatched. Although, I don't think that's happen for me. The last woman I dated for 3 years was very nice to my son but not necessarily very connected to him... How long have you been seeing your current sweetie? I wonder if you son would continue to act out if you introduced her in at a different rate or perhaps you just need to try again? Remember are kids grow up too...

[grltalk.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid we've *all* gotten very used to things the way they are and are too complacent to change. My kids like having their mother completely to themselves, I like the whole thing being a virutal non-issue, and my gf really never has had the inclination to fit/work herself into my family.