(no subject)

[zestfive]

Today my boy doesn't have to go to school but I do! Darn it anyway! Weekend was full up some up and downs. I did get my computer fixed thanks to the tech support at school. I also purchased a wireless card that I actually was able to install and it worked! Not bad for a laptop that with wireless card cost me less than $100! Although, I'm trying to get my pedometer to work (it keeps track of your progress online) and the USB port doesn't recognize it. I'll have to dig a little deeper.

Friday night was pretty quiet. Saturday was LOTS of laundry(I'm still working on a couple more loads) P had to work most of the day but later it was Games night. We got there late but conversation flowed and lots of laughter happened.

P and I continue to learn about each other, how to communicate best with each other, what each other's triggers are and how we can treat each other well. I think sometimes we both feel a little too wounded from previous relationships, but I don't want to be. For me it's especially weird to realize how much my ex husband still affects me as it relates to fears in intimacy. It's also very scary for me because this is the closest I've been to anyone since I don't remember when.

I don't want to go to work but I best get dressed! I'd much rather lie in bed and get up lazy like yesterday (except without the argument we had). We really needed the time to lie in bed and actually get close to 8 hours of sleep.

At coffee yesterday (which we showed up late) we ordered a bacon cheeseburger and fries to split, the waitress brought out what looked like 2. She insisted that it was split even though the burgers were on there own seperate buns and each had plenty of fries. We only got charged for one. It was weird but good at the same time. We ended up late (as usual) to the L word but only by a couple of minutes. We had wanted to leave early so P could pick up some $$ from the cash machine but life happens.

Now I've really got to go get ready for work, I've got 22 minutes! Really I'd rather go back to bed!

Comments

[fierce313.livejournal.com]

Intimacy and trust are so difficult to negotiate. It's only after 20 months and 3 break ups and reconciliations that I feel I really trust Lucky. And even then I find myself filled with doubts. There is so much under the surface that I didn't even realize. I expect to be toyed with, have my feelings totally disregarded, and to be left eventually...

But I feel so glad that I took the chance to love him, and let myself be loved.

I'm glad you and P have found each other.

I really want a hamburger today!

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

thanks for your comments. Most of the time I think trust has to do with your past experience than it does with your current situation. I also don't think you realize how your past affects you until you have an experience where you realize how much it did affect you. I felt that I had mostly exercised my ex-husband demons from me.

In some ways I still really think it's amazing that P and I did find each other !