(no subject)

[zestfive]

Currently I'm listening to a book on tape by Dr. Harriet Lerner and she speaks of a quote from Clarissa Pinkola Estes which I don't know off the top of my head(and am really not in the mood to try and find it) but essentially it was about equal relationships and your partner expanding your life instead of fitting into "roles" that are prescribed by gender (or dare I say the femme/butch dynamic). It was very good. I remember taking some quiz or whatever to determine which philosopher I was most like and Dr. Lerner is what came out of it.

I wonder how many "equal" relationships there are out there.

Comments

Aw c'mon

[lesbionick.livejournal.com]

I really feel like I should say something here. But I can't think of how to avoid bringing all my own issues into the discussion. Oh well, so are you saying (again) that because I consider myself more butch leaning and I prefer women with a feminine appearance I somehow automatically don't treat them as equal? You never did define what you wanted to be "equal" either. Most people want to not take advantage of anyone or be taken advantage of, at least that's my take on it and certainly my preference. But that doesn't have a bit to do with roles/gender.

Re: Aw c'mon

[zestfive.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your imput...but I wasn't talking necessarily about our past conversations. I think people have different variations of what the butch/femme dynamic means to them. For some people that means that the man/butch is in charge, makes the final decisons, deals/protects from the outside world, handles all the stress about things and the woman/femme is there to cook/clean, look good for or be the one in charge of the emotional health of the relationship and keep the home happy. Others might believe that the woman/femme might be there to manipulate her butch/man into doing things for her and the butch/man is there to "provide" for the woman/femme. Those are the roles I'm talking about. Not so much about who thinks who is equal or not equal.

I guess the equal that I'm looking for is one that we are both equally responsible for ourselves, financially, emotionally and etc. We would choose to come together and share our worlds together. As I don't know that I've ever had this, it's a little hard to describe. With the ex-husband, I handled the money but was impacted by his poor spending. With T, I felt she was emotionally dependent on me. I think I'd like a relationship like the friendship that I have with R, but obviously of a romantic nature. One where we would be able to enjoy lots of different things together as well as apart that we would share...ability to be vunerable as well as strong, both of us...not just one strong one and one dependent one, the ability to be serious as well as act like crazy kids together, I'm looking for a whole balanced person, not just someone who's sorta got their life together needs to be taken care of or can only be a caregiver. A relationship where we talk about all sorts of stuff from seeing the first robin in the spring to the letter to the editor to idiot we dealt with that day. Someone who loves their life and is excited to share that with someone and who's willing to listen about my passion for my life. Does that make more sense? I think I'm also looking for someone who has a range of speeds...someone who can be passionate about something and run full throttle but can also deal with the day to day...and time to slow down to look at the meteor showers too. Someone who hasn't let the drugery of life jade them too much, someone who has learned how to protect their tender sides so that they can still share that with their partner.

I'm going to stop now before this becomes too long...see what happens to be if I've had too much time with R. I get too deep and long winded.