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Apr. 2nd, 2005
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Apr. 2nd, 2005 09:29 amSo my dear friend R recently had coffee with my ex T. T then came to the library where I work to return a DVD that I checked out for her(with a trans story line). T and I picked up some dinner and when home to my house to eat, watch ER and then she eventually left. T did offer to "scratch my back...or a back rub" which essentially meant, she wanted to sleep with me. I didn't/don't think that is a good idea. I wasn't comfortable with that. I can be there as an emotional support for her, but I can't/won't sleep with her. And therefore, we didn't.
So then the next day R tells me that when her and T met. One of the things that R told her was, that she didn't like how I treated T. This didn't bother me at the time she told me this, now it does. And I'm trying to figure out why. R in the past has enjoyed T but then backed off from developing more of a friendship with her. I figure that is their business what kind if any friendship they have. T who is even more introverted, shy and isolates herself reports that she can really identify with R. So part of me is thinking that R shouldn't be so protective of T because she's really never let herself get close to her. And how am I treating her so bad? So, now that I've realized this bugs me, I've sent R an email requesting we have a chance to talk about this. We'll see how this goes.
Didn't get as much done yesterday as I hoped...perhaps I can catch up on it tonight.
So then the next day R tells me that when her and T met. One of the things that R told her was, that she didn't like how I treated T. This didn't bother me at the time she told me this, now it does. And I'm trying to figure out why. R in the past has enjoyed T but then backed off from developing more of a friendship with her. I figure that is their business what kind if any friendship they have. T who is even more introverted, shy and isolates herself reports that she can really identify with R. So part of me is thinking that R shouldn't be so protective of T because she's really never let herself get close to her. And how am I treating her so bad? So, now that I've realized this bugs me, I've sent R an email requesting we have a chance to talk about this. We'll see how this goes.
Didn't get as much done yesterday as I hoped...perhaps I can catch up on it tonight.
(no subject)
Apr. 2nd, 2005 10:47 pmSo R and I talked tonight. It was a good talk. Again, it affirms why I appreciate and enjoy her so much. We are so totally on the same thought wave. When we previously talked it was only for a very brief time and she acknowledges that she probably didn't give me enough context to fully understand the conversation. Also I recognize, it's really not my business to know what they talked about. Despite this, R talked more about the general topic as it revolved around T and I's past relationship. She recognized some of the triggers for her regarding her concerns for T and how it relates to her own stuff. She also said that she was probably putting so much care into how she spoke to T and didn't consider how I might react to some of what she says, cause she knows that I can handle it.
The other thing that I admit, I liked hearing, was when she got my email asking to talk...she was afraid that she screwed up our relationship like she had done in the past with other people. R has reported to me that she typically has friendships with people for a 5 year cycle. I told her that she was stuck with me but we are nearing our 5th year(This also briefly passed through my mind). Despite her fears, she wanted to approach our discussion as she sees me do it, being open to discussion. What that means, is that instead of being angry, defensive or whatever, we approached the situation with "curiosity" so that we could talk find out what the other person was saying, really hear their point of view and find out if there really was a problem. Essentially, she reports that she's learned some things from me(yeah, nice compliment) and wanted to try it in this situation. It worked ! We talked it through and resolved it. I would have sure hated to end up grudge-ing this.
Funny, I recall a time where she called me to the table and we ended up putting a puzzle together as we hashed out another situation. It was scary for me then too, but we worked it through. This is why (despite it sounding so high school) she's my best friend !
Now if only I could find an amazing girlfriend like her...but of course, that would really scare the crap out of me. Perhaps that's why R and I are such good friends, cause we're learning to work through conflict so that we can meet the women of our dreams. Grin. Of course, she would say that she has...or would she? Hmm...
The other thing that I admit, I liked hearing, was when she got my email asking to talk...she was afraid that she screwed up our relationship like she had done in the past with other people. R has reported to me that she typically has friendships with people for a 5 year cycle. I told her that she was stuck with me but we are nearing our 5th year(This also briefly passed through my mind). Despite her fears, she wanted to approach our discussion as she sees me do it, being open to discussion. What that means, is that instead of being angry, defensive or whatever, we approached the situation with "curiosity" so that we could talk find out what the other person was saying, really hear their point of view and find out if there really was a problem. Essentially, she reports that she's learned some things from me(yeah, nice compliment) and wanted to try it in this situation. It worked ! We talked it through and resolved it. I would have sure hated to end up grudge-ing this.
Funny, I recall a time where she called me to the table and we ended up putting a puzzle together as we hashed out another situation. It was scary for me then too, but we worked it through. This is why (despite it sounding so high school) she's my best friend !
Now if only I could find an amazing girlfriend like her...but of course, that would really scare the crap out of me. Perhaps that's why R and I are such good friends, cause we're learning to work through conflict so that we can meet the women of our dreams. Grin. Of course, she would say that she has...or would she? Hmm...