zestfive: (Default)
A went off to his first day of 8th grade. I charged the batteries for the digital camera as I didn't have film in the regular camera. He was very excited to wear his shirt that read "I'm so excited to be here". This was the first year my mother didn't make sure she came over to take his picture too. I wonder if she'll realize that.

more on my life )

I probably really should go to work now... I don't want to, I want to lie in bed and read. I want to have my house be completely clean without me doing any of the work. I want some sense of peace. I want to ride my bike in a cool morning. I don't want to be around people as they often disappoint me.

What do you want?


Aug. 19th, 2005 10:04 am
zestfive: (Default)
I got a letter back from the job I interviewed at, I also got another letter from another place that I applied for. I'm getting discouraged, I feel like I'm going to be working part time and temp for the rest of my frickin' life. When I get like this, I feel slightly self destructive and start thinking more basely...like wishing I had some kind of distraction, like a friend with benefits. The problem with that, one person whom I don't think would mind, is not someone I'm wanting to sleep with..and I wouldn't want to hurt her or take advantage of her. The other problem is that I don't think I'd stay in that place where I'm thinking that way, I'd eventually come to and feel bad about how I behaved or worse yet, start thinking that it could turn into something more...which isn't right, because I'd be a little less discriminating in my choices. What do other people do when they are like this? Is this where people get drunk and do things they regret? Perhaps I should drink? I don't know that there's anything that I would really like enough to get really drunk on... And then their is safety issues with being drunk. It's so hard when I have these conversations with myself, where I'm thinking in my best person(and rational) and arguing with my base person(who doesn't give a damn).
zestfive: (Default)
Absolutely beautiful morning, I love cool mornings with lots of sun and great music on my radio. I love that I'll be childfree for this weekend. I love that I don't have anything that I *have* to do.

Except, I got the letter yesterday that tells me that I won't be working downtown. It's a little hard on my poor little ego, no body wants me, I'll never have a job. I'll be stuck working temp if I can get it for the rest of my life, I should just sell my house now.

I feel like doing something except I don't know what it is....I don't feel like I have the effort to put into anything. I feel like I want to bawl my head off in someone's arms, but I wouldn't even let myself do that if I had the ocassion. Perhaps, I should watch a movie that will make me cry my head off... I feel like hibernating but I also feel like being with friends, but don't know who I'd really want to hang out with...

How come I feel like driving in the opposite direction from my destination only happens on the days that I have to go to work....but I really like where I am, who I'm working with and etc....just wish I wasn't working nights or driving so far.

Who wants to trade lives today? I'm willing to throw in a couple of bucks too!


zestfive: (Default)

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