My weekend

Oct. 8th, 2007 12:04 pm
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P came home early on Friday morning. It made it very hard to go to work. I think I'm finally coming back to my regular life slowly but surely. P says I've been gone, I say I've been grieving. Obviously, it's all new to us on how we grieve together. I know I definately do go inward when I'm not taking care of other people. I don't even know what I need really....  I'm a talking she's not so much. I know that she's been trying to be there for me, helping me out in ways. I need to watch for them to recognize it since she doesn't say anything. Sometimes in my grief, I'm oblivious or don't recognize her efforts, I think it's important to recognize people's efforts. Last weekend, she stocked my freezer. 

This weekend she wasn't feeling well on Friday when I came home from work. I let her sleep, she needed it. The boy and I cooked dinner, hoping she'd wake up but okay if she didn't. The boy talks about how he doesn't know how to cook despite having taken years of home ec. I finally said that we could cook together, I figure it would be good for us to have some time together. We made baked pork chops with stuffing, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. I think it gave him some confidence in cooking. Hopefully we'll keep it up. The boy went to sleep and P woke up just as I was going to go to bed early. We ended up running to the store that must not be named walmart. It's what's open 24 hours a day in my area. She needed her coke. She ended up spending quite a bit of money, including an automatic catbox and two collars for the cats (Jinx already took his off and it's missing). She bought the cat box to try and make my life easier. She stayed up and I went to bed after the store. She wants to clean up the basement so that we can do crafts with our friends. I think it would be fun but cleaning the basement is just not one of my priorities. 

When I woke up on Saturday, after a slow start we first picked up a new lawnmower (the old one is finally dying) went to Bob and Scooters,  I mean, Dave and Busters.  She wanted to do this in support of finding things to do with the boy that he would enjoy. We ended up staying there a couple of hours and had a good time. The boy said it was better than Space Aliens  Food was pretty good. We ran into friends on the way out. At home, P wasn't feeling well and laid down. We were going to go to games night with friends but with P not feeling well, I was okay staying home. 

Sunday the plan was to go to church (early service because going to the late one runs the risk for P to run into T which makes her uncomfortable). I love going to church with her. We stopped to look at a camper (16 ft scamp) for sale before I dropped her off and I went to coffee. While driving to church we talked about our friend B who has a drinking problem. I think it's time for us to sit her down and tell her how much we're concerned about her.

After I got home, P was ready for a nap, I snuggled her down. very nice! The boy and I made fake frappicinos, dinner and then laundry. P left for work but we had a very good weekend. Good conversation with the boy, he's interested in going to same high school as [personal profile] anterastilis, I'll have to ask her about it.
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P brought Lady to the vet, they got her right in and cleaned her wound. I think what happened is that when Jinx and Lady were playing, Jinx bit Lady in the foot which proceeded to develop an abscess and a fever. She has 21 days of antibiotics, has something to soak her foot in 2x a day for 5 minutes until healed and one of those great collars. She's definately in a better place when I got home yesterday.

In other news, I'm very tired!

Poor Kitty

May. 21st, 2007 11:50 am
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When I got home last night, I discovered that my poor cat's cut foot has gotten infected. Her foot has swollen up twice (or more her normal size) and it's not just the angle of the pic!



It's bleeding and sore so I had to keep her from licking it so I had to create one of those collar type things out of a milk jug. 



She's not very happy. Since I had to go to work today (I'm the only one on) P came home to take her to the vet. She's got a temp, a new collar (because the homemade one came off) and some antibiotics. She's going to be stuck in the bathroom for a while. I'm sure she's very pleased about it. I'm just glad that P was able to come home to take her, they were able to get her in and P's back at home so she can sleep!
zestfive: (Default)
Friday Five: Pets.
PetConnection

1. Are you a dog or cat person?
As most everything in my life, I could go either way. I've owned both. Although, I don't have the time commitment available for a dog, plus I don't want to be tied down(pun not intended). I believe you shouldn't get pets just because you want them, you've also got to be able to take care of them as they should.....or perhaps I'm a commitment-phobe.

2. How many pets do you have?
2 cats that I'm still working on getting more attached to almost 2 years after my beloved Jasmine passed away after 18 years.

3. What’s the best thing about your pets?
see answer #2, I'm still working on liking them. I guess I like when they cuddle with me on the bed, but I hate when Lady wakes me up cause she's ready for breakfast....that's when I lock them out of my bedroom.

4. What’s the weirdest thing your pet has done?
Lady drools. Jinx chases down and eats anything including a loaf of bread that I had just bought.

5. Plans for any more pets?
nah, probably not.
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Today A and I made the decision to have Jaz put to sleep. In the last few weeks she has stopped eating and drinking. I had her on antibiotics, prednezone and IV fluids to try to salvage her damaged liver. She has deteriorated too much for me to try to maintain her life. She mainly sleeps.

Tonight I will attempt to dig a hole in the cold ground before the snow comes beneath the tree that A and I planted together. A selected this spot. When A comes back from TF's on Sunday, together we will bury her.

I delayed coming home from work because I knew that I
needed to dig Jaz's grave. When I finally did and
started to dig by the light of a clip on
light(attached to A and I's tree)my neighbor
yelled across from his house to figure out what I was
doing. I couldn't speak and when I finally told him
tearfully what I was doing, he went back in the house.
I was thankful for this because I wanted to regain
composure. He came out again and told me he was sorry
and helped me dig.

I went back in and took Jaz from the bathroom floor,
earlier this week I put her in there after I noticed
she peed in A's bed. I brought her back to A's
bed and she meowed and then had a blank stare. I
initially thought she passed away right there but then
saw she was breathing. I don't know if she had a small
stroke, seizure or if she was dying but after hearing
me cry she came back. I was glad she did because I was
able to cuddle with her and I heard a very slight
purring. I spent some time with her and told her she
could go and what a good kitty she was. Then I wrapped
her up in blankets and laid down next to her and fell
asleep with my hand on her until it was too sore to
remain with it there.

When I woke up at 2am, I saw that she had gone. I do
think that I called her back and I'm glad that I did
get a few more moments with her. I also don't think
she felt she could leave with me right there watching
her, but I like to believe that she was happy I was by
her side.



Found this about self respect...I like it.


"To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference. If we do not respect ourselves, we are on the one hand forced to despise those who have so few resources as to consort with us, so little perception as to remain blind to our fatal weaknesses. On the other, we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out--since our self-image is untenable--their false notions of us. We flatter ourselves by thinking this compulsion to please others an attractive trait: a gist for imaginative empathy, evidence of our willingness to give. Of course I will play Francesca to your Paolo, Helen Keller to anyone's Annie Sullivan: no expectation is too misplaced, no role too ludicrous. At the mercy of those we cannot but hold in contempt, we play roles doomed to failure before they are begun, each defeat generating fresh despair at the urgency of divining and meeting the next demand made upon us.

It is the phenomenon sometimes called 'alienation from self.' In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the telephone, because someone might want something; that we could say no without drowning in self-reproach is an idea alien to this game. Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the specter of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that answering it becomes out of the question. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw: one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home."

--Joan Didion, "On Self-Respect."

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