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“Look closely at the present you are constructing: 
it should look like the future you are dreaming.”

Alice Walker


my truth

Jun. 9th, 2012 05:59 am
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You aren’t crazy for wanting what hasn’t even occurred to them to want.


Read more... )

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"Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You're going to confuse, piss off and terrify lots of people--including yourself. One minute you'll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you'll pray that it never ends. You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time...brave, afraid and very, very alive" --Brene Brown
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Teh boy: I don't say this enough, Love you Mom.
me: aw....thank you :-) I love you from the deepest parts of my soul all the way up
Teh boy: way to 'one up' me mother :p
Me: LOL :-) :-) :-)
Me: You are wonderful and amazing just as you are...no one up-ing :-) :-) :-)



I sure got one wonderful and amazing, kid. How did I get so lucky?
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So all you lovely people out there in LJ land... I need some help. Next week Wednesday and Thursday I'm going to go up into the Porcupine mountains and stay in a yurt for 2 nights. I believe I can cook over an open fire but it's just going to be me. I don't know what I'm going to take to eat. I'm asking you for help. A little about me: I'm not the best cook nor am I completely bad at cooking either. I'll probably take a small cooler. It's just me by myself so it makes it hard. I hate to waste food. I'm not too picky about what I eat but because this is time for me, I want to enjoy what I eat. I don't want to make a big production about preparation. Do you have good suggestions on what I might bring to eat? I do like to eat three meals a day, I'm not much of a snacker. I like coffee but don't need it, might take some of those Starbucks Vias. These are the meals that I'll probably need:

Get there after lunch

Wednesday dinner
Thursday breakfast
Thursday lunch (maybe hiking during this time, portable?)
Thursday dinner
Friday breakfast

tl:dr what do you eat when you go out into the woods without your typical conveniences?

Thanks in advance!!!
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June 1 closing date!

For all the new folks, Welcome!!!!  I'm purchasing a short sale townhouse across from the college where I work. The price 30k, and it will save me gas, car wear and tear, nearly 2 hours a day commute. It's going to be a little strange to feel so indulgent but I can afford, I'm keeping my "country house" and will be in the city during the week. Also who knows what else I will be doing in the future? I'm going to practice asking my friends for help so that I can pull up carpet, put in laminate wood floors, paint and etc. It's only sorta freaking me out. I'm so not use to making decisions for me without being concerned about anyone else's needs. I know that I've kept my needs small as a way to try and manage my unmet needs, yikes (just realizing this). You know that connection to needs, apparent I've done something to short circuit them...if you don't have needs, when people don't ever meet them, you'll still be okay. Ugh, something to look at. This is why I need to take care of myself without any restrictions put on me by others or by me. I need to figure out how to break that short circuit and connect with my needs again. 
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Off to have breakfast with a dear friend of mine, if/when I leave this area for good. She will be the one thing that I miss...We've already talked about this though and I expect we'll be friends for life. She is that good. 
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She put the house up for sale back in 2007 and she's finally leaving it for good in just a few weeks. It's kinda of weird.


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If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief. --Brene Brown
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We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. 
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each of them--we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. 
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

From The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
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"I have a wild streak in me. But my wildness has always come out of finding who I am. Not following anybody else's agenda. Not trying to please the ego. But to be true to who, in my soul, I am." ~ Marion Woodman
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My dear LJ friends....What have been some of your adventures that you've been on that you have enjoyed? I'm going on adventures but I'm curious about yours. I'm doing this to find myself...I think I've lost me. What are my preferences and what do I want to do? I like what I'm coming up with but I don't even know what's possible.
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A few REAL friends are all I need. – When it comes to relationships, focus on quality over quantity.  Spend your time with friends who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.  Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. These people make your day a little bit brighter simply by being in it.  It is better to have one true friend than all the acquaintances in the world.

This is a little challenging for me right now because I feel like I'm in a place where I'm going to be doing a lot of exploring and expanding in my life. This means that I will likely meet lots of new people. This won't mean that my friends I've always had won't go away. And I will confess that as I was driving home last night, I started thinking about the people that are really important to me and paying attention to that...keeping my energy where it counts despite exploring the world more.




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This weekend included re-arranging my bedroom. I've got some things to sort but I can't even believe it's done. I normally keep everything in the same place because I don't care too much about aesthetics and my surroundings. The vacuum really had a work out, I think I had to empty it more than 3 times. I've got the inspection report on the townhouse, a little more work than I thought but I think I can make it happen. After I close on it, I'm going to have an open house and make a list of things I'm asking for help on the townhouse. It will be hard for me to ask for that help but it will be a good step for me. I've got lots of people asking to help and I don't know how to choose, it's overwhelming for me. 

no parade due to weather which is ok, didn't meet R but that's ok too.

Dinner with my Dad's partner. Tomorrow is off so I'll have to see what kind of trouble I can get into. 4 days left of work before summer schedule. I really liked having Friday and Monday off as a slow slide into it.

I'll be helping my mom move way up north in about 10 days. She dropped some stuff off at my house that I will enjoy using at the townhouse. I need to start coming up with a list of things I'll need at the townhouse.
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I just made reservations to go stay in a yurt by myself in the mountains for 2 nights. I'm going to bring books to read, my camera and go hiking. I'm excited to do it and a little nervous!
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"The ACE Study measured 10 common types of childhood trauma. Five were the usual suspects: emotional, sexual and physical abuse, and emotional and physical neglect. Five were family problems: a parent addicted to alcohol or other drugs, seeing a mother being abused, a family member in prison, a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, and a parent who’s disappeared through abandoning the family or divorce. (Although the word “trauma” is more commonly used to describe physical injury, in this milieu, it refers to any experience that causes toxic stress.)

The study’s researchers came up with an ACE score to explain a person’s risk for chronic disease. Think of it as a cholesterol score for childhood toxic stress. You get one point for each type of trauma. The higher your ACE score, the higher your risk of health and social problems.

A whopping 70 percent of the 17,000 people in the study had an ACE score of at least one; 87 percent of those had more than one. With an ACE score of 4 or more, things start getting serious. The likelihood of chronic pulmonary lung disease increases 390 percent; hepatitis, 240 percent; depression 460 percent; suicide, 1,220 percent.

The percentages climb to grim and astounding levels as the ACE score climbs – people with an ACE score of 6, for example, have a 4,600 percent increase in the risk of becoming an IV drug user. Grow up with an ACE score of 10, and you’re likely to find yourself homeless, in prison for life, or end up dead by your own hand. People with high ACE scores die, on average, 20 years earlier than those with low ACE scores."

Go read this article:

http://acestoohigh.com/2012/04/23/lincoln-high-school-in-walla-walla-wa-tries-new-approach-to-school-discipline-expulsions-drop-85/

And then there's this:

"There are just two simple rules, says Turner.

Rule No. 1: Take nothing a raging kid says personally. Really. Act like a duck: let the words roll off your back like drops of water.

Rule No. 2: Don’t mirror the kid’s behavior. Take a deep breath. Wait for the storm to pass, and then ask something along the lines of: “Are you okay? Did something happen to you that’s bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?”

It’s not that a kid gets off the hook for bad behavior. “There have to be consequences,” explains Turner. Replace punishment, which doesn’t work, with a system to give kids tools so that they can learn how to recognize their reaction to stress and to control it. “We need to teach the kids how to do something differently if we want to see a different response.”

copied from [livejournal.com profile] sabrinamari 
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Happy Birthday, Dad. You would have been 73 today. 
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I got the call about my townhouse, my offer was accepted by the bank and I should have to close within the month. The inspection will be done within the next 3 business days. I know that I'm going to need new flooring and paint. I also know there's some work that is needed in the bathroom. I can't even imagine living this close to work. I really needed this up beat stuff right now!
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posting this for later comment...

Here's the thing about jokes. They only work when they're aiming up. I wrote this in another piece recently, but I'm just going to plagiarize myself: People in positions of power simply cannot make jokes at the expense of the powerless.


from here http://jezebel.com/5905291/a-complete-guide-to-hipster-racism
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Dining out for life after work. I should be going to sleep because I need to pack before I go to work for the weekend. It's going to be cooler so I should pack warm. I'm looking forward to making a drum.

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